a few things.

...that people forgot to inform me about motherhood.

1. My bellybutton will never look the same.

Yes, my preggo outie has returned to an innie, but it does not look the way it originally did.

No, I will not post pictures of what it looks like now.

2. I got stretch marks from losing the preggo weight too fast.

I would probably get hundreds of hate mail for this complaint, so thank goodness there's only about 10 people who read this thing (and like 8 of them are my family).
Really though, I got no marks gaining 45lbs during the pregnancy.  However, 2 weeks in the hospital post-labour with lots of medication and no food may help you shed some serious pounds, but will also give you angry purple streaks.

Dammit.

3. Yes, I may be back to pre-preggo weight, but I am most definitely not back to pre-preggo body.

Trust me.

I am trying to use Bean as a free weight to exercise but she's getting too heavy.

4. My sweet little girl will toots louder than a grown man.

She then looks away as if to say "what? who did that?"

Um, it was you.

5. Pretty much every poopy diaper will be explosive or on the verge of exploding.

I will have to make a mad dash to change her if I want to avoid doing yet another load of laundry.
"Leak Lock" diapers don't lock sh*t - literally.

6. I am a milk machine.
Although looking at her rolls, one can only assume that I am producing cream.  Or maybe milkshake.
Although my milkshake definitely does not bring all the boys to the yard.

7. Baby finger nails are like tiny daggers. 

With her insane nail growth, mama has to cut Bean's nails every other day. 

Or she will try to claw her face off and end up so:

Also, mama's chest will be covered in tiny claw marks.  She's like a tiny Wolverine. 

The lady likes to get her nails done while she eats.

Talk about service. 

Needless to say, the cuteness makes it all worthwhile.

That face will let her get away with anything.

(for now)

Such a multitasker.  Just like her mama.
The multitasking part, not the finger in nose part.
That part she got from papa.